Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce of Coparenting Communication
The Do’s and Don’ts of Co-Parenting Communication
Co-parenting after a divorce or separation can feel like walking a tightrope—especially when emotions are still raw. But strong, respectful communication is the key to a smoother experience for everyone, especially your kids.
The goal? To shift from “exes” to “teammates” when it comes to your children’s needs.
Here are the top 5 Do’s and Don’ts for healthy, effective co-parenting communication:
1. DO: Keep It Child-Centered
Always bring the conversation back to what’s best for your child—not what’s most convenient for you.
DON’T: Use communication as a way to rehash old conflicts or make emotional jabs. If it’s not about the kids, it probably doesn’t need to be said.
2. DO: Use a Neutral, Business-Like Tone
Think of your co-parenting relationship like a business partnership—with your child as the shared priority. Be respectful, direct, and calm.
DON’T: Let tone or sarcasm creep in. Avoid yelling, passive-aggressive comments, or guilt trips—even if you feel frustrated. Kids pick up on the tension.
3. DO: Choose the Right Method for the Message
Texting might work for quick updates, but bigger conversations (like school decisions or schedule changes) deserve a phone call or email.
DON’T: Use your child as a go-between or messenger. It puts them in the middle and causes unnecessary stress.
4. DO: Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations
Establish ground rules for how and when you’ll communicate—whether it’s once a week via email, or using a co-parenting app.
DON’T: Expect immediate responses or bombard the other parent with messages. Respect each other’s time and space.
5. DO: Keep a Record of Important Communications
For big decisions or ongoing conflicts, it’s smart to document what was discussed. This isn’t about “gotcha” moments—it’s about clarity and accountability. We love Our Family Wizard coparent communication app. If not, we recommend, at least, getting a separate email account (free) where ALL communication with your ex goes so its easier to find as well as not getting a surprise email in the middle of the day that throws you off balance.
DON’T: Rely on memory alone when it comes to agreements. Misunderstandings happen, and written records help avoid unnecessary drama. This means…text should only be used for items like running late or quick notes.
Final Thought:
Co-parenting communication won’t always be perfect—but with mutual respect, clear boundaries, and a child-first mindset, it can be productive and even peaceful. Your kids are watching how you handle this—they’ll feel safer and more secure when they see you working as a team.
— Paige Harley MA, Divorce Mediator & Coach